May 31, 2015

in Fitness, Just life

I have a confession to make. (Wow, I jumped right in there, didn’t I? I was totally planning on rambling on for at least a few paragraphs about how much I am enjoying my new job and new routine. But I guess I’m just ready to get right down to business.)

I’ve been sort of hiding out for a while. I’ve still been around, kind of…but not like before. You know…the sweaty pics after a workout, the inspirational posts, the healthy eating posts…I pretty much blew it this winter. I let stress and unhappiness get the better of me. I ate healthy some of the time, but then I would just stop caring and eat whatever I wanted, like it didn’t matter. I worked out sometimes, but then I’d miss a day and that would turn into two days, and next thing I knew, 8 days went by with only one good workout.

I gained weight. And that made me more unhappy. I outgrew some of my clothes. And that made me more unhappy and a little angry. But somehow, it didn’t make me angry enough to stop eating stupid stuff too often and not work out often enough.

I was embarrassed. I *am* embarrassed. Here I am, a Team Beachbody Coach who has helped others on their journey for the past 4 years while I’ve been on my own. How could I have let this happen? How could I fix things? What would everyone think of me after realizing that I wasn’t walking the walk?

Over the last month, as I’ve gotten settled in at a new job and started establishing a new routine, I have realized some things. I realized that for starters, I was carrying around a LOT more stress than I ever knew. My former job was very stressful, but I thought I just had a day or two a week that were pretty rough. Turns out, as I look in hindsight, I was hovering at a particular level of stress constantly. It wasn’t until I no longer had that job and the accompanying stress, that I realized how much stress really existed in my life. It had become normal for me. Now, as I have reduced my stress level to just about zero, I am feeling what it must be like to be ‘normal.’ And, it’s amazing.:)

For quite a while, I was incredibly unhappy. Now, I can honestly say I’m happy and loving life.

I finally feel like I know who this person is again. I feel like I am in control again and have been able to begin acknowledging what I allowed to happen and set new goals so I can start over. After what felt like forever, I’ve forgiven myself and decided to take charge and move forward. It happened and I’m not making any progress by just beating myself up. WorkInProgress with website

I thought of an analogy/comparison today that made so much sense to me and helps me to be okay with screwing up despite being a coach. I remember in little league softball and even high school softball when we’d have fielding practice and the coaches would hit to us. There were plenty of times they’d intend on tossing the ball into the air and hitting a fly ball to center field, but end up hitting a blooper to the second baseman. Or what should have been a hard grounder to the short stop was more of a bunt towards the pitcher.

They were coaches, but they weren’t perfect. They knew the fundamentals and how to teach us the game, but even all of their knowledge didn’t make them perfect hitters every time. They were human.

And THAT helps me, as a health and fitness coach, get over the slipping up and sliding backwards. I’m not trying to make excuses about the fact that I allowed it to happen and at times I accelerated the backward slide! But I am giving myself permission to be human and allow myself to start over after making a mistake. IMG_6669592830345

Unfortunately, I have undone a lot of the progress I made before. But I know what to do – – I just need to DO IT!

As a coach, I do not claim to be an expert or a fitness or health professional. A coach is simply someone who has the desire to help others to become better and make forward progress on their own journey – whether it’s learning the game of softball or learning about fitness and working together to stay on track with being healthy.

I’ve done this before, and I’ll do it again. Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and a clean slate. I’m setting new goals and am ready to CRUSH them. Hope you’ll join me for the ride.

Dad June 1, 2015 at 8:51 am

Go get ’em, Tracy. You can do it! You Rock!

Linda June 1, 2015 at 8:38 pm

It’s a continual journey that teaches us so much about ourselves. I’m so happy you shared this. Well written and well said. I often want to post things like this of my own experience to show the human-ness of this journey. Congratulations for taking an important step in acknowledging the struggle. I often say. “It’s not about perfection, it’s about moving In The right direction.” And even when that direction goes off course, it’s great time to reflect and learn. Good for you!

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